FATBOB's biker rally reviews
HogRock 2005 - America's wildest biker party
HogRock 2005 Cave In Rock, IL June 09-12th, 2005 Everything you could possibly expect, x5 !!!! Wow. All I can say is Wow! This is what I THOUGHT biker rallies were like back in the days before I actually started going to them. If someone gave me millions of dollars, a huge estate and a free hand I couldn't organise a better party than this! HogRock FUCKING ROCKS and is hands down my favorite biker rally of all time. They had so much stuff going on I don't even know where to start. Contests here, contests there, contests everywhere! A main stage, and new this year TWO satellite stages just in case you enjoy your crowds a little more intimate. Or maybe it was to be able to squeeze in a few more contests? The ball of death (a motorcycle stunt team) riding around in a globe filled with naked women. A hypnotist getting volunteers to do things their friends will never let them forget, great bands, gogo cages, gogo poles, free bull rides, biker games, a naked swimming hole... hell they even had helicopter rides this year. I've been back for 4 days now and my head is still spinning! Allright, let me calm down a bit & tell ya'll about what went on. They had a hypnotist there from Vegas just for the rally. He did 3 different shows and would get some volunteers up on the stage. Hahahhaha, ya'll should know better than that! I ain't gonna tell you everything he got them people to do, but he would say something like ''your getting oral sex from your favorite movie star and it's great! And now it's ten times better! Oh my Gawd, you can't stand it anymore!'' Hahahaha, it's one of the funniest things I've seen in my entire life. And you should have been there when he conviced his poor innocent volunteers think that they had suddenly become sexy strippers! And THEN he told them to get off the stage and go work the crowd for dollar bills! You just had to be there. Of course I was, so if you missed it make sure & check out the pictures. And the best part? When the people came out of it they were left standing there with a handfull of dollars with NO CLUE how they got it! One dude asked ''is this my money!??''. Hahahaha, I bet his buddies will soon set him straight. There was a mechanical bull setup which everyone & anyone can ride for free, but there is a catch. If you wear your clothes the bull seems to buck around quite a bit harder than he does for the naked people, which is fine by me. If you get nekkid enough the bull slows down to the tempo of a snail's pace, and of course if several girls get on it at the same time hell, they may as well be riding a marshmellow! Anytime you've got a spare minute or two during the weekend you can always head over to the bull for a great time. The biker rodeo on Saturday afternoon was cool, with the traditional slow race, barrel race, balloon toss & the drunken race. And of course Hogrock being Hogrock some of the girls graciously popped off their tops & made the entire thing a whole lot more entertaining to watch. The burnout pit is new, and even though they didn't have an official burnout contest every once & a while some good ol'boys would crank up their scooters & burn some rubber, much to the delight of the crowd which would suddenly magically appear. The wet t shirt contests were very good, with no fooling around. HogDaddy would get up on stage & say ''I want 20 girls up here for the contest'' and that would be that. Badaboom, badabing, before you know it the music is thumping, the girls are stripping & the crowd is going wild. And they did this not once, but 3 (or was it 4?) times during the weekend. And the bands... did I tell you about the bands? They rocked! J.B. Walker & the Cheap Whiskey Band were our there cranking some tunes, and one of my personal favorites Big Mike Griffin was out there also. And they've got these local boys in a band called PLAIN STRANGE that just plain ol'fucking kick ass! The other bands get up there with the traditional ''hey, howa doing'' and just start busting out some tunes. Plain Strange gets up on stage, pumps up the crowd, starts rocking, shooting off fireworks, pyrotechnics blazing off with enough fire to light a dozen Micheal Jackson head's on fire, they burning guitars, throwing beads... hell they even had some kinda giant homemade bazooka that would shoot off balled-up Hogrock T Shirts into the crowd! Now THAT'S a biker band! Did I mention they had a clothing optional naked beach where you can go skinny dipping, with a stage right there beside it for the ''spur of the momment'' wet t shirt contest and the naked beach games? Always a good thing on a hot Saturday afternoon. Go skinny dipping, go to the contest, get hot and jump right back in the pond. Cool off some more just in time for the naked beach games, and jump back in the pond. What other rally has this? Hell, I just give up. This rally is TOO BIG, TOO CRAZY and TOO MUCH FUCKING FUN to try & describe with words. If I could only go to one rally a year, IT WOULD BE HOGROCK! Good people, good times and a great party just all come together here and make it better & better evey year. Forget all about Daytona. Sturgis? Watch on the Discovery channel special! If you REALLY want to have a good time mark your calendars for the next HogRock party in October 2005 and ride, drive, fly, crawl or walk your ass out there. I promise you'll have a good time! ---------------------- Campground Description : Hilly terrain, lots of shade. Held on private property. Very large stage area, tons of room to view everything going on. FREE mechanical bull rides all weekend. Lots of vendors located around the main stage area. One main stage and two smaller sub-stages. Clothing optional swimming hole. Showers on location. Tons of shaded camping spots. RV spots with hookups limited, reserve in advance. Gravel roads throughout the campgrounds --------------------- Entry : $30 for the entire 4 days, includes primitive camping RV's extra Camping on Site : Included RV Hookups Available Live Bands : J.B. Walker & the Cheap Whiskey Band Big Mike Griffin Plain Strange (they rock!) Sharp Dressed Man (ZZ Top Tribute) Cottonmouth Geneva Orry Kraw 5 0'clock Shadow WHYY NOTT Contests : 3 Different Wet T Shirt Contests Topless Hulla Hoop Contest Men's Beer Belly Hulla Contest Strong Man Contest Stong Women Contest Women's Biggest Nipples Contest Miss Nude HogRock Contest Swinging Dick Contest Pickle Sucking Contest Events : FREE mechanical bull rides Biker rodeo games (clothing optional) Burn out Pit Girls Wrestling in Oil Globe of Death stunt show (with naked girls!) 3 different shows by the Dirty Hypnotist Comedy by Bag Lady Sue Helicopter Rides (extra $) Girls Wresstling in Shaving Cream Food & other vendors on location B.Y.O.B. Stores less than 15 miles away